The nightmares of an entire generation

Creepy much? Source: Supplied

I hold you personally responsible for my fear of clowns.

Like most kids who grew up in the 90s, it all comes down to the ridiculously screwed up movie version of IT, which would never have been made if you never wrote your gigantic book of horror in the first place.

As you probably already know, IT aired as a 2 part TV series in 1990. It was then transferred to VHS then transferred into the nightmares of an entire generation for decades to come.

In case you forgot your own book, in a nutshell, IT is a lovely story about a clown named Pennywise that EATS CHILDREN. Take that Finding Nemo!

Oh and the clown lives in the sewer. You can't forget that.

So let's re cap — IT is about a child-eating clown named Pennywise who lives in the sewer drain outside a family home.

CUE YEARS OF THERAPY.

How did an entire generation of kids even get their hands on this movie?

For me it all went down one Saturday night in 1994. My parents went out to a function (after Red Faces on Hey Hey, of course) and left my two sisters and I in the care of our older brother, Michael.

This VHS of IT is currently for sale on eBay. DO NOT BUY IT!!!!!!! Source: Supplied

Michael clearly hadn't read any of my Babysitter Club books and had zero idea what he was doing. His grand plan to kill time was to put on a VHS (that he had secretly borrowed from his friend) called IT.

What's the worst thing that could happen, right?

In the opening minutes of IT (best you don't read on if you're home alone) a little boy named Georgie is playing with his paper boat in the gutter. The rainwater washes his boat into the sewer drain. It is here that little Georgie is greeted by Pennywise the clown, who tells Georgie to reach down and grab the boat off him.

Georgie decides this is an OK thing to do (you're an idiot, Georgie).

DON'T GO DOWN THE DRAIN GEORGIE!! Source: Supplied

Pennywise' mouth then opens wide to reveal razor sharp teeth and he pounces at the screen AND EATS GEORGIE.

That is as far as I ever got, Mr King. I turned grey. I cried. I couldn't stop shaking.

That night I slept in my little sisters' bed and continued to do so until I was 27 years old.

The movie apparently continues on for another 195 horrifying minutes. Other key scenes include Pennywise crawling out of shower drains in bathrooms, eating some more kids and red balloons appearing out of nowhere that pop filled with blood. I could go on — but I don't want to.

Ruining clowns (and showers) for an entire generation. Source: Supplied

I first realised I was not the only victim of this movie reading Benjamin Law's brilliant book The Family Law. His experience was similar to mine so I asked him for some thoughts, he said this:

"Look, I don't have many regrets in life, but I still regret watching Stephen King's IT at my cousin's place when I was eight. Even now, I can't look at stills from that movie.

"I still avoid stormwater drains (especially when it's raining) and if I see a real-life clown, I want to cry or walk into the sea."

How does this make you feel, Mr King?

For years I had to avoid the horror section of Video Busters in case I saw the cover of IT.

To this day, I can't rock up to a little cousins' birthday party without the paralysing fear that any point a child eating clown will appear VIA THE KITCHEN SINK.

But don't stress too much, Mr King. There is one little trick I have taught myself.

Come with me on this one.

Pennywise the clown, the worst character ever to appear on screen, is played by the legendary Tim Curry.

Actor Tim Curry. Source: AP

Tim Curry also played the best character to ever appear on Screen, Frank 'N Furter in Rocky Horror.

Actor Tim Curry how we'd like to remember him. Not so scary now, are you Tim? Source: News Corp Australia

I like to think that underneath the white painted face and behind the razor sharp teeth is just your average song and dance guy!

So next time someone mentions how IT ruined their childhood please tell them to just think of Pennywise the clown in thigh-high fishnet stockings and a mean pair of heels smashing the time warp.

It's the only way.

Kind Regards,

Nath Valvo

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Well done for being brave enough to read to the end of this article. Source: Supplied

Nath Valvo is a writer and comedian. He's about to hit The Melbourne International Comedy Festival with his new show HAPPY IDIOT.

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