The Real Housewives of Melbourne speak out to Elle Halliwell on the ASTRA awards red carpet.
The Real Housewives of Melbourne at the 2015 ASTRA Awards. Source: News Corp Australia
GINA shows her claws this week, and poor old Janet ends up bursting into tears in public because of it. But where the hell are Lydia and Pettifleur?
In last week's episode of Real Housewives, Gina found herself a pet project: Defending her new BFF Gamble from all those slanderous sex-based allegations Janet's been throwing around.
As episode four kicks off, Janet's heading to meet Gina, who's invited her to a lovely gossipy girlie catch-up. Which, knowing Gina, can only mean one thing: AMBUSH.
Sure enough, as soon as Janet's taken a seat, Gina starts the rapid-fire questioning: Why did Janet say Gamble's a stripper and a swinger? Does she know what effect it's had?
Then she pulls out her trump card: "How do you know she won't get LEGAL?"
Janet's reaction suggests she's ill-prepared for this line of inquiry:
Shane Warne is an Australian former international cricketer widely regarded as one of the best bowlers in the history of the game. Source: Foxtel
As Janet storms out, Gina calls after her to try and continue the argument — but Janet's having none of it:
"Oh go on! 'My cards are gonna fall, my life is just a deck of cards, they're all gonna fall!' God …"
OK Janet, we'll give you that one — that was a pretty good burn. Gina, however, is having none of it.
"Not gonna bother with her again. Terrible person," she shrugs.
Is the pair's 20-year friendship finally over for good? Probably not. These two have broken up and got back together again more times than Katy Perry and John Mayer.
Across town, Chyka's rushing into a business meeting with perma-tanned hubby Bruce, who compliments her on her hair — and he's right, she's been giving us a real Bieber fever this season:
Chyka Keebaugh, Tru Belieber. Source: Foxtel
The power couple are busy working on a new venue for Collingwood President Eddie McGuire, so they head over to the building site to check it out — with Eddie in tow. Sorry folks, this recapper has a particularly severe allergic reaction to all things Eddie, and seeing as McGuire doesn't slip a nip or drop the C-bomb in this scene, we'll move swiftly along if you don't mind.
Back to what the ladies do best: emotional breakdowns in high-end stores. Janet and Jackie meet up to go shopping for outfits in preparation for a golfing day Janet has planned for the girls.
While perusing the racks, Jackie asks which of the girls is actually attending the little outing. Janet looks at the floor despondently, letting out a quiet groan as tears start to well in her eyes.
"Oh my god, what? I'm picking up vibes!"
Fun fact: Jackie's psychic face is exactly the same as a cat's sneezing face. Source: Foxtel
Jackie. JACKIE. We've been through this. You are responding to clearly visible verbal and physical cues. This is not a psychic ability.
Janet tearily tells Jackie about the whole messy ordeal with Gamble and Gina. Across the store, like so many service industry workers before him, a shop assistant makes a painfully awkward cameo on Real Housewives of Melbourne.
"My manager says if another depressed Toorak housewife cries on the clothes it's coming out of my wages." Source: Foxtel
Next we're at a photography studio, where Gina's got a new aim in life: To get herself off this goddamn show. Or as she puts it, "I've set a few new goals for my media career. I've had lots of requests for public appearances, and I'm looking to get some publicity shots done."
She's being shot by celeb photographer, friend, and all-round randy old goat Maurice.
"Maurice has done a lot of Playboy shoots," Gina says. "I didn't SPECIFICALLY choose a Playboy photographer …"
Yeah, but you didn't NOT choose one, did you Gina?
Maurice studio is filled with his collection of luxury cars, and after a few relatively normal publicity shots, he tells Gina he'd like to "have a little fun with it."
Note: If an old man with a camera ever asks you to 'have a little fun with it', run to the nearest Safety House and call your parents.
Gina's unsure, but before she can voice her concerns, Maurice is already forcing her on to the hood of the nearest Holden Monaro:
"I'd like you to sort of get into the car, feeeeel the lines of it. YEAH! YEAH! COME ON BABY LET'S GO AND DO IT!"
Gina drapes herself awkwardly:
Margaret called David Cronenberg's 'Crash 2: The Crashening' a 'taut psychosexual thriller', while David bemoaned the handheld camera work. Source: Foxtel
"YEAH! THIS IS A HORNY CAR! THAT'S IT! LEAN OVER A LITTLE BIT MORE," Maurice says.
"THAT'S IT! LOOK LIKE A BIT OF A BITCH! COME ON!"
This must've been what it was like to witness the Hindenburg disaster.
Before we get to find out whether the police are called, the scene changes to Club 74, a pop-up whisky bar that Bruce and Chyka are running — and have shut down for the night so they can hold a private dinner with Jackie and Ben. As the foursome (not in that way — but let's be real, Jackie's probably DTF) settle in for dinner, Chyka and Jackie rake over the whole Gamble/Janet business yet again. Up at the other end of the table, Ben and Bruce are just having a fab time, thanks for asking:
"So … what's Daniel Johns really like?" "Ben I told you, I hardly know her." Source: Foxtel
Chyka asks Jackie how she'd react if she were in Gamble's shoes, with tawdry rumours flying left and right.
"You know my personality! If you came up to me and told me I was a stripper, I'd go 'F*ck yeah, let's do this sh*t," Jackie says, clicking her fingers while waving her ample bosom over the charcuterie board.
Next to her, Ben takes another long, slow gulp of his cocktail:
YES he's having another cocktail, who are you to judge? The water out of the tap is very hard to drink. Source: Foxtel
The next day it's time for golf, and Jackie and Janet take a helicopter to the course because cars are obviously for povvo losers. Just as they're about to take off, Jackie turns to Janet with wide eyes and announces purposefully: "DARLING: EVERYTHING'S SHINING TODAY."
As aeronautical omens go, this is only slightly less terrifying than screaming "There's something on the wing!"
"Do you fear death's sweet embrace, Janet?" "Jackie please let go of my leg." Source: Foxtel
Arriving at the golf course, Gamble admits she wasn't sure whether to show her face, given her ongoing feud with Janet. Ultimately, though, she decided the best course of action was to steel herself and walk in with her head held high, dignity intact. Unfortunately, someone forget to tell her outfit:
WHY IS NO-ONE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY?? Source: Foxtel
Gina's next to arrive, rocking HER best serious golf outfit (low cut dress n' stilettos, Greg Norman swears by it) and explaining she won't be sticking around for the whole day because "I have a TV appearance I can't get out of."
Gina, you're IN a TV appearance you can't get out of.
Gina then sneaks off to the ladies to change into her golf shoes.
"I don't really feel comfortable in flat shoes," she explains, and we're then treated to the most wonderful shot of Gina leaving the ladies room in her golf shoes — but STILL WALKING ON HER TIPPY-TOES.
Gina Liano, human Barbie doll and national treasure. Source: Foxtel
As Gina steps up to the … putt? Plate? Goal? (look, if you're seeking correct sporting terminology from a RHOM recap clearly written by a flaming homosexual, you've come to the wrong place), Jackie sidesteps away from the other girls.
"I've just got this vibe that she might lose the stick," she explains.
Sure enough, Gina takes a swing — and hurls her golf club directly into the earth's sun.
Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet. Source: Foxtel
She may be Australia's Best Golfing Psychic, but it turns out Jackie's a pretty crap golfer: she swings wildly at the air with her club, alternating hands while sweating, moaning and cursing for minutes on end. It all plays out like an energetic, exhausting wristie (babes we've all been there).
YOU try golfing after six litres of La Mascara. Source: Foxtel
"I DO need defamation against you, because I DO think you're making it up."
"Where are Lydia and Pettifleur?" "Who?" Source: Foxtel
We love Gamble's brave attempt at using legal jargon in a sentence, despite the end result making absolutely no sense. And if you don't escrow with us, you can freehold out of here — and tort!
Before the pair can scream at each other much longer, Jackie interjects, as she hasn't had a drink in more than 20 minutes.
"Can we get over it, can we get a hug?" she asks, squishing the two together. Jackie, that's not going to work — Oh. It worked. OK then.
The girls retire to the club house to toast their friendship, and all problems and issues seems to be entirely resolved apparently?
Chyka says she's planning a dinner for next week's episode, and while she's happy her girls have all made peace with each other, "a lot can happen in a week." OMINOUS.
Next week: Things get real at Chyka's dinner when Lydia and Pettifleur return (soz), and Janet chats up a sex coach in a bar: "I teach people how to have 15-minute orgasms," he tells her. THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE. TEACH US HOW.
The ladies: Gina, Jackie, Chyka, Janet, Lydia, Gamble, Pettifleur. Source: News Corp Australia
The Real Housewives of Melbourne screens 8:30pm Sundays on Foxtel's Arena channel.
Check back right after each episode to read our recaps — until then, check in with our recapper Nick Bond, who also cannot walk properly in flats, on Twitter (@bondnickbond).
Join in the conversation and get the latest entertainment news on our Facebook page.
Anda sedang membaca artikel tentang
Real Housewives: Gina finally breaks Janet
Dengan url
http://kelapapantai.blogspot.com/2015/03/real-housewives-gina-finally-breaks.html
Anda boleh menyebar luaskannya atau mengcopy paste-nya
Real Housewives: Gina finally breaks Janet
namun jangan lupa untuk meletakkan link
Real Housewives: Gina finally breaks Janet
sebagai sumbernya
0 komentar:
Posting Komentar