Mandy Len Catron found love with the help of science. Source: Supplied
IS IT possible to choose to fall in love?
Mandy Len Catron says it is — and her story has captured the imagination of thousands.
The 33-year-old tried to replicate a study that said intimacy could be achieved with a set of 36 questions and a four-minute exercise.
And it worked.
Her New York Times essay, 'To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This' has become an internet sensation in just a weekend.
The writer and lecturer says she doesn't believe in soulmates. Source: Supplied
"Everybody wants to be loved and the chance to love someone," Catron, who teaches writing at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, told news.com.au.
"We like the possibility that we don't have to be passive in that process."
Catron, from rural Virginia, found the idea particularly appealing.
After she ended a 10-year relationship in 2011, she decided she wanted to write about love stories and how they make us see the world.
Catron's Love Story Project dwells on how we find love in the modern world. Source: Supplied
"I wasn't convinced they make us better at love, in fact, I thought they may make us worse at it," she says.
While researching the subject, she came across a 20-year-old study by psychologist Arthur Aron, in which he succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in a lab.
"A heterosexual man and woman enter the lab through separate doors," she writes in her essay. "They sit face to face and answer a series of increasingly personal questions. Then they stare silently into each other's eyes for four minutes. The most tantalising detail: Six months later, two participants were married."
After three years of online dating, Catron was feeling disenchanted.
The 33-year-old says vulnerability is vital. Source: Supplied
"You never know what the other person is thinking," she says. "They're usually keeping their options open ... I felt a lot of anxiety."
Last summer, she was talking to an old university acquaintance she occasionally saw at the gym when he started asking about her research. When she brought up the study, they quickly agreed to try it out.
"With this guy, there was no anxiety," she says. "I thought, 'Maybe we'll have a relationship, maybe we'll just be close friends'."
She admits that there were flaws in her version of the study. "First, we were in a bar, not a lab. Second, we weren't strangers. Not only that, but I see now that one neither suggests nor agrees to try an experiment designed to create romantic love if one isn't open to this happening."
Nevertheless, as the pair took turns to ask each other increasingly personal questions, they felt a deepening bond.
The original study is also known as the "sharing game". Source: ThinkStock
By the time they headed out on to a bridge to stare into each other's eyes, they were falling in love.
"It was scary, but I'm glad I did it," says Catron. She insists the four-minute gaze is crucial to the experiment.
"Two minutes is just enough to be terrified," she told the New York Times. "Four really goes somewhere."
Six months later, she and her 38-year-old partner are still happily together.
"I don't know how much was him — it was great talking to him — and how much was the study," she says.
The test has also been used to help create bonds of friendship. Source: News Limited
Since its invention, the experiment has been used to connect people in other scenarios. including students of psychology and people with different political ideologies.
It is also known as the "fast friends" experiment, or the "sharing game".
"It always has the effect of bring people closer," says Catron. "It's about being vulnerable, letting your guard down.
"An individual could fall in love with any number of people. I don't buy into the idea of a soulmate.
"It's about timing, patience and also a willingness to be vulnerable with people. Rejection is so painful, I experienced that with online dating.
"You have to put yourself out there. Don't wait for love to find you."
Read more of Mandy Len Catron's writings on love on her website.
THE 36 QUESTIONS TO FALL LOVE
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling ... "
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... "
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
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