‘I went to great lengths to hide who I was’

Yarra Glen footballer and anti-homophobia campaigner Jason Ball. Source: News Limited

WHEN I came out in 2012, I became the first Aussie Rules player at any level to do so.

At the time I had no idea that it would make the splash that it did. I'm only a country footballer. But AFL is the national game, and in the absence of any elite level player coming out in this male-dominated team sport, my story managed to capture the public and the media's attention.

The biggest fear for me was that my own teammates wouldn't accept me. In the locker room, gay was a word used to mean 'bad', 'weak' or 'soft'.

Homophobic slurs were seen as part of the game. It was a constant reminder that if my teammates found out, I wouldn't be accepted. Maybe they would even refuse to play on the same team as me.

AFL players "have not been silent when it comes to being seen and heard as straight allies against homophobia", writes Jason Ball. Source: News Limited

Ball, middle, marches for equality with Richmond player Daniel Jackson (L) and Carlton footballer Brock McLean (R) last year. Picture: Andrew Tauber Source: News Limited

I went to great lengths to hide who I was. I tried not to get involved in conversations

about relationships, and when I did, I would make up stories about girls. However,

when my teammates did figure it out, all of the fears I had weren't realised. My

teammates couldn't care less. This felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

There was no more rumour or innuendo, I didn't have to hide, and I'd never felt more part of the football club. Most importantly, the homophobic language stopped. It had become apparent to my teammates that those words were derogatory towards me, one of their mates.

MORE: JASON BALL CALLS ON FANS TO END HOMOPHOBIA

While our AFL players don't yet have a gay teammate to publicly support, they have not been silent when it comes to being seen and heard as straight allies against homophobia.

Carlton Footballer Brock McLean became the first AFL player to become an ambassador for Athlete Ally, an organisation focused on ending homophobia and transphobia in sport by educating allies in the athletic community and empowering them to take a stand.

MORE: JASON BALL'S COURAGE WILL TRUMP IGNORANCE

Similarly, last year during International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO) some of the biggest names in the AFL, including Scott Pendlebury, Drew Petrie, Luke Ball and Jobe Watson, took part in a social media campaign coordinated by the AFL Players Association, making a pledge never to use homophobic language and raising awareness about the damaging impacts it has on the mental health and wellbeing of young GLBTI people.

For AFL players, I can imagine that they would want to avoid doing anything that could risk putting them at a disadvantage.

For them, football is their career. With the public and media's interest in the story of a gay footballer coming out so strong, a football club could view this as an unnecessary administrative hassle.

Before I came out publicly, I felt it was my duty to talk it through with my team. I spoke to the Coach, the President, the Committee. I didn't want to politicise my club and I didn't want to speak on behalf of any of my teammates if they weren't completely comfortable. Without their blessing, I wouldn't have come out to the world.

Ball with this Dad David with the premiership cup at the 2010 Division 2 seniors grand final in 2010. Source: News Limited

To my surprise however, I was told to go for it. They told me they knew it was something I was passionate about, they knew I could handle the media attention, and that they would support me no matter what.

I couldn't be confident that an AFL player would receive a similar level of support from their club, but I would hope that they might. I think some AFL clubs would react better than others.

For example, the GWS Giants made history in December last year, becoming the first AFL club to officially throw its support behind marriage equality, when they tweeted and issued a press release congratulating couples in the ACT who were married during the short lived same-sex marriage laws.

For any gay AFL player, there could be some trepidation that coming out would mean that their homosexuality may define them for the rest of their playing career. Would you rather be known as a great footballer, or 'the gay footballer'?

For me, I don't think being gay defines me. However, there is no denying that it is a huge part of who I am, and hiding it was mentally exhausting.

When I was 13-years-old, struggling to come to terms with who I was in a blokey, macho, football environment, if I had've known of such thing as a gay footballer, that he could be out to his teammates and that it wasn't a big deal, that would have made a world of difference to me.

Since my story hit the news, the most rewarding thing has been receiving letters, emails or tweets from young GLTBI people, who tell me that hearing my story has given them the courage to come out to their friends, come out to their parents, or even come out to their football team.

If an amateur footballer like myself has been able make positive a difference in a few people's lives, just imagine the impact that an AFL player, being open and proud about who they are, could also make.

Follow Jason Ball on Twitter @jasonball88

Jason Ball is an ambassador for beyondblue

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